Mrs.in Ministry: Equipping Wives to Serve

Written by Becky Hobbs | Mar 23, 1989 6:00:00 AM

Spring 1989 Reformed Quarterly Volume 8, Issue 1 Sixty-seven women are making history at RTS this year, and next year more will do the same. They are enrolled in a unique new three-year program called Mrs. in Ministry, developed at RTS and, as far as we know, offered by no other major seminary. The program grew out of a real need for seminary wives to be educated for Christian ministry just as their husbands are. Upon arriving at seminary, many of them saw their spouses being prepared for practical Christian ministry while they sat on the sidelines, learning little. Today, almost seventy enthusiastic women meet weekly to discuss a wide range of topics. As a result, they communicate better with their husbands and now look forward to their future duties, supporting and augmenting their husbands' ministries. Although their courses do not apply toward a degree, the spiritual enrichment and practical help they receive far outweigh any academic credit.

THE IDEA IS BORN

The program is the brainchild of Mary Lou Whitlock, wife of RTS President Luder Whitlock. For years, she has seen an increasing need among student wives to be prepared for ministry. Senior wives, especially, who were readying themselves for the demanding role of pastors' wives, were often bewildered, frightened, and frustrated; most had little or no idea how to prepare for what was soon to be expected of them. "I was so excited several years ago when RTS began revising the curriculum to emphasize the practical dimension of ministry and communication of the gospel," remembers Mary Lou. "But I realized then that we also needed to help prepare the student's wife, because she is such an integral part of his ministry; she upholds him and is an encourager to people in every position in the church." Not that RTS did not already have an extremely active Women's Fellowship --and still does. The group provides challenging programs each month, offering a wonderful avenue for women to become acquainted and help each other learn. In addition to the monthly meetings, the group sponsors mini-seminars for ministry and training, wives' support groups, Bible studies, prayer groups, a caring ministry, and fall and spring prayer retreats. An overnight retreat was offered this year for all of the RTS women and will probably become an annual event in the life of the seminary. "We found," explains Mary Lou, "that the junior wives just arriving were a bit overwhelmed with the entire seminary experience and needed programs to help them adjust. Middler wives were already adjusted and knew only too well the pressures brought on by seminary studies; they needed help in coping. Senior wives were beginning to become apprehensive as graduation approached; they needed practical help in carrying out their part of the ministry." Ideas for a more extensive educational ministry to women kept coming to Mary Lou, but the time just never seemed right to get the program off the ground -- until last year. When Bette Morgan, wife of new Dean of Students Gerald Morgan, arrived on campus, she and Mary Lou made a perfect team with a unified vision (see inset). Later, when student wives gave unselfishly of their time and volunteered to type handouts, develop lessons, and help organize the group, along with a myriad of other chores, the idea grew.

THE IDEA TAKES SHAPE

One day Mary Lou and Bette had a long planning session. They asked, "What is expected of a woman entering the ministry with her husband?" After listing all the topics they would like to see covered they hammered out the following goals:

To promote personal and professional growth, focusing on the person of the Lord Jesus Christ as the source of joy, comfort, strength, and motivation for fruitful service.
To help women relate the Lordship of Christ to all areas of life, cheerfully submitting to the authority of His Word as wives, mothers, homemakers, and friends.
To help equip wives to contribute more effectively to the life and work of the church, supporting it faithfully in prayer, fellowship, and service.
To help wives "know" themselves, discover their spiritual gifts, thus gaining confidence regarding their usefulness for ministry.
To help wives develop and improve skills which enable them to have a greater impact for Christ in their church and community life.
To help provide a support network for the seminary family and to help develop friendships for mutual encouragement.

"The key word in the above goals is 'help'," says Bette. "We realize that we cannot fully prepare anybody for anything. First, we want to prepare these wives for life in the ministry. Second, we want them to have joy and confidence in their calling to serve Christ with their husbands. Third, we want them to enjoy their ministries. There is so much fear and lack of confidence; we want to promote joy and confidence." But, both women agree, the ultimate goal is not merely to ready a woman for ministry, rather to develop in her a love for God and a desire to serve Him. "We want each woman to be the best she can be, whatever her gifts and talents," explains Mary Lou. "We want to help these women develop their gifts and gain confidence in using them so that they have potential for Christ even if they are at the far ends of the earth."

THE IDEA BECOMES REALITY

Once a week on Thursdays, the group meets for two hours, with cassette tapes available for those who cannot come. During the first half-hour, a Scripture reading from the Psalms directs the women's thoughts to the topic for the day. All of the Scripture selections are exclusively from the Psalms in order to show the Psalms' depth and the wide variety of life events which they address. Next is prayer time. The women are encouraged to pray for others before themselves. Says Bette, "We don't want anyone to have tunnel vision about her own little spot in the world, so we pray for different things each week, such as world missions and the work of various denominations. Mary Lou and Bette act as hostesses and teach some of the lessons themselves, but they also bring in a wide variety of speakers. Classes are interesting and practical, ranging from managing priorities, appearance, time, and memory to developing a ministry of hospitality. Women are learning how to have fruitful personal devotions, plus how to manage their children and conflicts in the church. One class showed them how to interview for the ministry. Still another dealt with personality and temperament, helping each woman determine hers. Upcoming programs will focus on discovering spiritual gifts, coping with depression and grief, and ministering in the community. The syllabus provided for the class contains an extensive twelve-page bibliography of almost 240 titles covering biographies, women, parenting, children's books, and Bible teaching. They are encouraged to read many of the books and required to read some. One of the most important lessons these women are learning is how to deal with problems and criticism in a positive way. How do Mary Lou and Bette get this across? "I think you have to do it honestly," says Mary Lou. "In any occupation a person encounters negatives. We try to show them the particular set with which they will have to cope, and how to do it well. Their ultimate goal is to realize that they are serving God, and this is the path through which He is taking them. He didn't promise it would be easy, but He tells us He will be with us through it. We are trying to do it for Him because we love Him and seek to please Him first." Sometimes the best ideas are the simplest and the most obvious -- and the longest in coming. Such may be the case here. In any event, the beneficiaries are sure to be the congregations served by these women --congregations who need pastors with strong, confident, and joyful helpmates at their sides. With teams such as these, the church can only grow.

Morgan and Whitlock: A Perfect Team

If you're around Bette Morgan and Mary Lou Whitlock very long, you're probably smiling. You can't help it. Both women exude a warmth, a zest for life, a compassion that is simply contagious. And they are passing on this joy in Christian service to some of the most important future leaders in our churches -- RTS student wives. They're also passing along a wealth of experience in the ministry from two different perspectives, which allows most student wives to relate to one of them. Mary Lou always knew she wanted to work in Christian service and married a man bound for the pastoral ministry. While Bette was also brought up in a solid Christian home, she did not become a Christian until after she and Gerald were married. When he was called to seminary after both a coaching career and a business career, pressure mounted on Bette to readjust her role to one of a pastor's wife. Most wives find that, happily, they can relate to one or the other's experience. But Mary Lou and Bette are quick to base their reason for teaching on Scripture, rather than any superior ability or knowledge. They cite Titus 2:3-5 as their command: older women are exhorted to teach the younger women, to train them and encourage them to develop certain skills in the six goals of the course. "Mary Lou and I are not qualified to teach because we have reached perfection," explains Bette humbly, "but because, first of all, we are older Christian women. Secondly, we have been striving for years in these areas to be all God has called us to be and has equipped us to be in Christ. In the same way, these women must always be growing, evaluating, and striving." Years of experience, both in dealing with people, in leading Bible studies, in supporting their husbands, and in learning to submit to God's will in their lives -- these are only a few of the reasons why Mary Lou Whitlock and Bette Morgan are effective teachers. But the real reason is much deeper; it is their humble willingness to be joyful about what the Lord hands them in life and their eagerness to spread it around. It is this that makes them a blessing, not only to RTS wives, but to everyone they meet.

What Do RTS Men and Women Think of Mrs.in Ministry?

"In Mary Lou and Bette I see such joy, such a love for us and a desire to help us because they have been there -- as seminary students, pastors' wives, and now administrators' wives. Just because Mary Lou is the President's wife and Bette is the Dean of Students' wife does not mean they are unapproachable. They are very concerned and want our feedback." --- Mary Jo Tate "One of the pluses in coming to RTS was its emphasis on involving women in campus life; for example, student and faculty wives can audit classes free here. When we came, I had only been a Christian for about three years; I felt like I needed some guidelines and training. I needed to know how I could improve to better serve with my husband and be a better helpmate." --- Robin Koelling "After I was called to the ministry, it became abundantly clear that the call was to Robin also. I realized it was my responsibility to include Robin in my seminary education. With our tremendous academic load, involving the wives is very important in helping them understand what we are learning; it gives us points of communication." --- John Koelling "I don't feel as if I'm getting Christian talk-show how-to's. I'm getting information and encouragement from women who are working hard and have a joyful walk with the Lord. They are able to share their humor, and each conveys a huge warmth, even though it in no way diminishes the seriousness of their message. It just reminds us that the Lord is in charge and that our best efforts are going to fall short. If we get wrapped up in guilt, we are not doing a service to Him. Their attitude allays my fears; I can feel their compassion for all of us filling the room." --- Katherine Apel "I researched seminaries for women's activities and chose RTS for its emphasis in this area. I think it is so important for a pastor's wife to be part of the team -- if not in the church, at least at home. I've seen how invaluable my wife's encouragement and direction are to me in our marriage. This course is really helping her grow spiritually, while also giving her a taste of what ministry will be like. She is getting priceless counsel from two women with years of experience." --- Dave Bosch "The course is helping my confidence greatly. I'm pleased with its spectrum of material also. While they put great emphasis on personal spiritual growth, they realize that's not going to answer everyday floor-mopping. So they are also addressing areas like childcare and hostessing." --- Darlene Bosch

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